Benjamin (21) has HIV. He studies Chinese among other subjects.

How long have you had HIV?

I've probably had it since December 2011.

When was it diagnosed?

In August 2013.

What symptoms did you have?

From December 2011 through January 2012, I had severe flu and dehydration. A few months later I also suffered bleeding gums and I had shingles.

How long did you suffer from bleeding gums?

Over a year. I went to the dentist about it, who thought it should go away with good brushing, but it didn't. I also got chlorhexidine to rinse my mouth with. That had no effect.

What about the shingles, where was it?

On my chest and back. I didn't go to the doctor for it. I looked up what it could be and came across shingles. It said that it would be gone in a few days, so I didn't go to the doctor. It disappeared by itself.

When did you have a light-bulb moment?

When I had shingles, I looked up where it could have come from. It's actually quite rare in young people. It mostly occurs in older people who have a weakened immune system. That would mean that I must have a weakened immune system. I continued to search and I came across HIV. I looked at the symptoms and they matched my symptoms.

Did you have any reason to think about HIV?

Yes, because a month or two before I got the symptoms, I'd had unsafe sex.

What did you do?

I went to the health service (GGD) to get tested. And it was revealed that I was HIV positive.

How did that affect you?

It was a shock even though I knew there was a chance that I might have it. When it was confirmed it hit me hard.

Did you know anything about HIV?

Not much actually, just that you can get it if you've had unsafe sex.

What went through your head when you were told?

That my life was essentially over, that I could no longer do what I wanted to and that I didn't have long to live.

Who provided you with information?

The health service gave me information immediately and I was given booklets to take away. A few months later, I had to go to the hospital and there I was given more information.

Who did you tell that you had HIV?

My boyfriend who went with me to the test. He got tested as well and didn't have HIV. I was happy that he didn't have it, otherwise I would have felt very guilty. And also my two best female friends and my boyfriend's best friend, because she has it too.

Did you tell your parents as well?

No, but they found out because the health insurer let them see a printout of my expenses. The word Eviplera appeared several times, that's the name of the pills that I take. My mom looked it up on the Internet and found out what it was for.

Does your mom pay for the cost of the medication?

No, I pay for it myself.

Did you have to let your mom see the statements?

Not the statements themselves but she wanted to look at my bank account. On Internet banking she saw that a large amount had been debited by the health insurer at the end of the year for the excess.

Why did you have to let her see that?

My mom wanted to see what I was spending my money on because she thinks I spend it on unnecessary things.

Did your parents support you financially?

They were giving me 200 euro a month, which is why they wanted to see what I was spending it on.

Had you asked the health insurer not to let them see any statements?

Yes, but in the end they did it anyway. I was very angry because they had promised not to. I was already an adult.

How did your parents react?

We had a chat and from their questions and responses I realized that they didn't know very much about HIV and how it affects you. How long you can live with it.

Were you able to explain?

Yes, but they weren't really open to it. They had heard things about it themselves and they found those things more reliable than what I was telling them. They just didn't believe me.

You're also gay, have you told them that as well?

I told them when they knew I had HIV. They already had their suspicions and I confirmed them. I was given the choice to either stop being gay or be disowned.

Which did you choose?

To be disowned. I wouldn't be able to lead a life where I couldn't be myself.

Did that have consequences?

My relationship with my parents has broken down. I don't go home anymore and no longer receive financial support either. I now live on a study grant.

What did the diagnosis do to you and your relationship?

I got a lot of support from my boyfriend, but I had become more distant on a physical level. I felt dirty because I had HIV.

How are things now?

I'm over it and things are fine between us again.

What medication are you taking at the moment?

Eviplera. It's going well except that I almost forget about it sometimes. Then I take it just in time.

Do you take it with other people around?

Sometimes if I go out for a meal then I have to, but I do it on the sly.

It's now six months since the diagnosis, how are you doing?

I've heard from the hospital that my viral load is less than twenty and that my immunity has improved.

How do you find out information about HIV?

I don't look for information about HIV on the Internet anymore. Next semester I have to go to China for my studies. I've read that they make an issue of it there. Because I'm going for six months, I need a special visa and a health certificate. I've heard that some people are then rejected. But I'm not sure, the information on this is very contradictory. It's confusing. The college applies for the visa. I can ask if they want to do some research on it. I study Chinese, among other subjects, so it's really important that I go.

How do you see your future?

I'm positive about my future. The only thing is if I want to apply for a mortgage later, they could make a fuss about it. And with regard to jobs, I sometimes think about whether they'll make an issue of it or not.

Would you like to have contact with fellow HIV sufferers?

Yes, it would be nice to meet people who also have HIV. To be able to talk about it. Preferably with guys who are gay, I haven't found any yet.

How do you feel about relationships in the future?

I'm very positive about my current relationship, but if it were ever to end, then I'd be worried about problems in a new relationship. Whether the person would accept me as I am.

What lessons have you learned from what happened to you?

That you're always running risks and have to take responsibility for them yourself. If I could rewind and undo it I certainly would. It's a shame it's a lesson that has consequences. If you learn from your mistakes then sometimes there are no consequences, but this is one that you can't undo and that you have to suffer with your whole life.