Maybe you have a boyfriend or girlfriend or maybe you're still looking, just like all other young people of your age. It is of course possible to have a relationship without any problems. Kissing, for example, and having sex is fine as long as you ensure good hygiene, use condoms and take your medication regularly. But when it comes to taking it further with someone and entering a steady relationship, people often feel some hesitancy, especially when thinking about telling their partner that they have HIV. Indeed, this is a step that many young people with HIV still prefer to put off.

Joyce (20)

I had total confidence in my boyfriend and wanted to tell him as soon as possible. If he didn't want to be with me anymore, then it would have been easier for me to get over him – before we built up a relationship. We've now been together for five and a half years. He was very quiet for a moment, but immediately became positive and started asking questions. He told me honestly that he cried about it at home. He was sad because he loves me and hadn't expected it. But I had already let him see that I was taking medication and going for regular check-ups. Nowadays you can have sex without a condom if you are taking your medication properly and the virus is untraceable in your blood after six months. But I don't want to do it without one yet. I always use a condom. There's always a chance you could get pregnant because the pill doesn't work well with the medication.

Allard (11)

In the future when I get a girlfriend will I tell her? I hope I don't get one. I think it'd just be a hassle. They're often moody.

Martin (17)

If I met a girl, I would first try to find out what she knows about it. And play the innocent. If I really wanted to go further with her, then she would need to know more. If she reacted well, then I would tell her. But at a quiet time, alone, just the two of us.
Has that already happened before? No, I've not told anyone yet. At school it wasn't possible. Now at the Grafisch Lyceum (Dutch creative college for media, design & technology), it could be different.

Maureen (16)

What if I were to meet a boy? Kissing is okay. As long as I don't have a wound in my mouth. I'm really careful about that. Doing it with someone, I'm not so into that yet. I'm more into kissing and having a boyfriend, nothing more. Not having sex with each other yet. That may come later. What if I have bleeding gums? Then I'll say that I don't want to kiss. Short and to the point. If he asks why, I'll say I'm not in the mood or something. I'll make up little excuses so I don't have to.

Naomi (16)

Do I have a boyfriend? I did have one who also had HIV. That was very easy. I'm not sexually active yet. I'm busy with school. But if it was going to happen, I would always use a condom. I'm very careful, because it's really rotten having HIV. I wouldn't wish this sort of life with hospitals and medication on anyone. And all the side effects and everything.
I'm scared that later when I'm grown up and have to tell people, they'll desert me. My female friends haven't walked away, no, but boys think very differently. They have to act tough with their mates and talk about you with other boys.
Black boys, who I fall for, also react differently. In Africa HIV is a taboo. The boys are a bit ashamed of you. They think you've been to bed with different men. Of course, that's not true at all. My mom hasn't told my stepdad either. She's still living her life and my stepdad doesn't have it. They have a steady relationship and the virus is barely present in her blood. So the chance that she'll infect someone else is very small. For me, the chance is much greater because I have not always taken my medication.

Ashley (15)

I have a boyfriend but it's not difficult because I'm not sexually active yet. I think that if our relationship lasts, I may become sexually active. I don't know if I would tell him. Because you can just have sex without knowing that about each other, using a condom.

Benjamin (21)

I'm very positive about my current relationship, but if it were ever to end, then I'd be worried about problems in a new relationship. Whether the person would accept me as I am.

Ferdinand (14)

Am I in a relationship now? No, and I haven't yet been in one. Do I want to be? No, I don't. When I came here to the Netherlands I decided that I don't want to think about being in love. I just want to study and have a good future. Love comes afterward. When I have a good job and a nice life.

Jim (21)

Looking for a partner, I find that the hardest thing. The fact that there will come a day when you will tell her and then have to wait and see how she reacts. This could lead to disappointment and that's hard. Has that ever happened? No, not yet. I'm not actively looking for a partner, but I am open to it. Maybe I'm a little more reserved because of the thought of possible disappointment.